It Ain't Half Hot Mum
Original Broadcast Date : 23/10 - 18/12/1978
Produced by David Croft, Directed by Phil Bishop
Episode 1 : "The Stars Look Down"
The Concert Party are ordered by GHQ to take part in an American propaganda film. Gloria feels that this could make him a star. Unfortunately, the reality of the film is very different to what he imagines. They have to portray the British as cowards and the Japanese as all having glasses and buck teeth! The Sgt Major feels humiliated by it all, until Lofty tells him that he tried to sneak a look at the film reels and held them up to the light. Which makes the Sgt. Major cheer up no end!
Episode 2 : "The Big League"
After Gunners Mackintosh and Clarke drunkenly disgrace themselves (and the Concert Party) in the nearby village by insulting one of the local temples, it is decided that a friendly game of football may restore harmony with the locals. After searching for a decent spot for a football pitch, the best they can up with is an L-Shaped pitch. After installing Lofty as a goal-keeper and having to play in bare feet, the score is 51 - 0 to the natives. It is too much of a showing up to leave it at that, so Gunner Graham comes up with a plan where the Concert Party can save face.
Episode 3 : "The Great Payroll Snatch"
Colonel Reynolds is given a payroll to guard whilst it can be collected. Local bandit "Pretty Boy" (played by Burt Kwouk) overhears about the payroll and makes an excuse to call back later. He also challenges the Sgt Major to a contest to find out which one of them is the most "manly" after seeing the rest of the Concert Party in drag. The first test is to eat a giant pepper from the Bungyo plant, and the second test is to go into the jungle with a blow pipe and whoever scores a hit, wins. It turns out the second test is just a guise to get the Sgt Major away from the camp, so they can drug the rest of the Concert Party and steal the payroll.
Episode 4 : "The Dhobi Wallahs"
The Concert Party are told that with recent manoeuvres that they are now behind enemy lines. They are then told that they are going to be given a task of blowing up a bridge. First they must disguise themselves in case they are found by the Japanese. They all dress up as "dhobi wallahs" who do all the local washing. All except Gloria of course who dresses up as an Indian woman. The Sgt Major is furious to be washing Japanese uniforms. However, they can take their disguise off when they go to do their task of blowing up the bridge. The code words are "fish" to blow it up, and "chips" not to blow it up. Lofty draws the short straw again, and is sent up river to do it. The password keeps getting changed and Gloria has to follow Lofty up river to tell him and Mackintosh has to follow Gloria to tell him. However, Gloria and Mackintosh get back safely, but the bomb goes off, has Lofty made it?
Episode 5 : "Lead Kindly Light"
Whilst putting on a rather risque show a visiting clergyman sees it and is disgusted with it. He tells Colonel Reynolds that he intends to get the Concert Party disbanded, which pleases the Sgt Major, as he sees it as a chance to for them to get into some real fighting. There is also news that a better Concert Party is being staged by the RAF, and only one will survive. Meanwhile, the Sgt Major has to go for his medical and is given the news that he hasn't passed and if the Concert Party disbands he will be pensioned out of the army, he is gutted. He then decides that he wants the show to stay, so when the clergyman visits them again, he holds him up with a tale of woe, whilst the gang put on another risque show for the visiting Captain who will decide the out come of which Concert Party stays. By the time the clergyman gets to the show, the gang are dressed as nuns and singing "Ave Maria". Our gang win the battle with the RAF, as the visiting Captain saw the more saucy version of the show before the clergyman arrived.
Episode 6 : "Holidays At Home"
Colonel Reynolds and Captain Ashwood's leave is cancelled, so they decide to take it at the camp, and leave the Concert Party in the hands of Sgt Major Williams, who runs the men ragged and takes them on runs in the jungle without any water to try and turn them into "real" soldiers. They have had enough of it and they all sign a petition, and give Lofty the job of giving it to Colonel Reynolds, but the Sgt Major intercepts it, and makes them eat their own words, quite literally. Whilst out in the jungle, Lofty gets bitten by a poisonous snake and starts hallucinating and dreams they are in 'Mutiny On The Bounty', a book being read by Gunner Graham, with the Sgt Major as Captain Bligh, Gunner Graham as Mr Christian, Lofty as the Powder Monkey and Gloria as a Tahitian maiden! When Lofty wakes, the Sgt Major is sucking the poison from his leg, and has to go to hospital to make sure the poison hasn't gone into him instead. They are told the Sgt Major will be there for seven days, to the delight of the gang!
Episode 7 : "Caught Short"
Captain Ashwood discovers that 495 rupees have gone missing from the camp float. It is thought that it is an inside job, and whilst the Concert Party are taken on a jungle run by Ashwood, the Sgt Major searches the men's belongings, but Lofty comes back and catches him. They then drug the Sgt Major to search his box and discover a will, leaving everything to Parky and apologising for the way he has treat the men. The search goes on and the men have to strip, under the guise that they are checking for prickly heat. Gloria is convinced he has the bubonic plague! After all the camp is cleared of the theft there is only one suspect left, and that is Colonel Reynolds, who has been out of the camp overnight. It turns out that he is not the guilty party, it is a mistake on Ashwood's part, but the Colonel has been up to some shady business elsewhere, selling parachute's which are to be made into ladies knickers!
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